This article details how the bomb unit was used after a man was transporting a cannon shell on a highway in Marin after it was found on his property.
The strengths of this article are the correct usage of AP style. I specifically noticed how in the beginning of the article the author spelt out California Highway Patrol, and then abbreviated it to CHP later on which was something I had been curious about. The article was written in third person, and had no more than two sentences per paragraph. Each paragraph was a different element to the article. I think the article details the main facts of the incident in inverted pyramid style. The bigger facts like what actually happened are at the beginning and closer to the end the author details how it was inert and there were no lane closures. I think the articles news values are proximity, and novelty. The articles proximity would have been especially important if the cannon weren’t inert, but it is still important since the incident occurred in Marin. The article is a novelty because you don’t necessarily read about this type of situation every day. There are a few things I think this article is lacking. I think the article should have a quote in it either from the CHP officers, firefighters, or park rangers that were on the scene, or the man who found the shell. I do like how the author states he couldn’t reach the state parks department for a comment, but they weren’t the only ones at the scene. I also think the article might benefit from some sort of explanation of a “4-foot-long cannon shell”. Personally as a reader I did not know what that was until I looked it up online. Lastly, I think the article could benefit from an image; either the law enforcement on the scene, or the cannon shell itself (there aren’t any multi-media elements in this article). Those are the three things I would change if I were doing the story myself. http://www.marinij.com/novato/ci_25005465/bomb-unit-sent-novato-after-man-transports-cannon
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The article I chose to critique is from my hometown newspaper, The Marin Independent Journal. Marin County is located just across the Golden Gate Bridge from San Francisco and is home to California’s oldest and best known correctional facility, San Quentin State Prison. The article I chose to write about details the death of a San Quentin inmate. The article is well written and details the main facts about the incident. There is just enough detail about the incident as well as why the inmate was imprisoned in the first place. The article is written inverted pyramid style. The author states the important facts like where and when he fell in the beginning, and then explains why he was imprisoned in the first place closer to the end of the article. The author, Gary Klein, uses AP style throughout the article with dates, times, ages, titles, and specific places. The news value for this article would be immediacy and proximity (if I were reading this in Marin). The author uses passive voice throughout the article. The only use of multimedia in the article is a mug shot of the deceased inmate, which is really the only multimedia that is necessary for this type of article. Plus, I think it would be harder to get a shot of the crime scene when the crime scene isn’t on public property. The article did leave me with one question that I think should have been answered; was this incident a suicide or just an accident? I think that should have been addressed because it really is the one factor that is missing. Why, not how, did the prisoner die? This would be the only thing I would have done differently if I covered the story myself because I think this needs to be clearly stated. http://www.marinij.com/crimebeat/ci_24972051/san-quentin-prisoner-dies-after-plunge-from-fourth |
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December 2017
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